Ginger Snap Cookies

Ginger Snap Cookies - Cara Vance

350 for 8 min
1 1/2 C. shortening

2 C. sugar

2 eggs

1/2 C. molasses 

Mix these together and then add:

4 C. flour

2 t. baking soda

1 t. salt

2 t. cinnamon

2 t. ginger

Mix then roll in balls, drop in sugar. Flatten on cookie sheet.

My Love

Levi's birthday is the same month as Valentines day and I usually like to do something really special for him. This month got crazy because we took a spontaneous trip to Rexburg to meet future in-laws and on our way home we all got crazy sick. So with the stress of traveling and sickness I dropped the ball a little. Okay a lot. I felt so bad that I would tell Levi time and time again that I didn't have any plans so that he wouldn't feel bad when there was nothing planned. Luckily his birthday was still a success because we were in Kaysville with his family and they had cake and ice cream, family, and a nerf war! All of which I tried my best to be a part of, but with my sickness hitting me full force it was tough...not to mention a sick and tired baby and being tight on money from traveling.

Despite all of this Levi was happy and thankful.

Come Valentines day I knew there wasn't much to expect and we both had very busy days. Plus I am one of those people that doesn't think it's totally necessary to do some huge extravagant thing on V-day. So Levi leaves to go to mutual and I am at home watching a show on Netflix just totally content with life. Well Levi gets home and is acting sort of weird. He kissed me quick and then rushed to the bedroom where he said he was changing his clothes...he rarely does that. So I keep watching my show thinking nothing of it. Then he comes out to the living room and starts asking me random questions while sneaking around the kitchen with his hands behind is back. Well he finally runs over to me and places a sticky note heart on the computer that says:

I look at Levi and he gives me a sheepish grin, one you might see from a child who just did something very pleasing to you that may reward them with a high five or happy clap. Levi then urges me to hurry and go look at the other hearts that he had been sneakily placing in the kitchen and in the bedroom. This is what I found:

Isn't he so great? If you don't agree, let me explain: he knows me so well that he did something meaningful yet cheap, he didn't just buy me a dozen roses and waste our money, he had thought all day long about different things he loves about me. My heart swelled up with joy with each heart I read and sometimes I even laughed out loud. I seriously lucked out with such a catch as Levi. I must've done something right somewhere in my life to have deserved him. I love him! Also throughout the week I would find more hearts hidden in cupboards or drawers and it brought so much light to my life!

Now for the mushy gushy stuff, here is what each heart said. This is mostly just for me to look back on later in life. Feel free to move on with your day and stop reading....seriously though.


Alyssa my love, I love...

--> When you sing
--> How you cook
--> When you play the piano
--> That you indulge my tiny house obsessions
--> How you sing
--> That you put off your dreams for mine
--> That you are a big part of me being my true self
--> Your smile
--> How you parent
--> When you say nice things to me
--> That you are so excited to go to Philly!
--> How you sell stuff
--> That you always get up with the baby. It means more than you know.
--> Your body
--> That you served a mission
--> That you dress up with me
--> That you love BANG! and Catan
--> You can heal hearts and souls
--> That you love God more than you love me
--> Your testimony
--> That you love Avatar!
--> That you know how to weather my dark time
--> That you wear Nonnie's legacy on your finger
--> You are a natural Myson
--> The May 4th party
--> You are so hospitable
--> That the temple is such a priority to you
--> Your laugh
--> Watching Human Planet, Flash, Last Ship, POI, Avatar and others with you
--> How you decorate our home
--> That you are so low maintenance
--> That you are smart
--> That you're a pioneer woman!
--> Your eyes
--> Your patience with me not laughing when I think it's funny but am too serious
--> You care about the one
--> How pretty you are
--> That you follow the prophet
--> That you laughed when the swing hit you in the head
--> You rock climb!
--> You teach me how to truly forgive
--> You help me honor my priesthood
--> That you love me (dare I say it) more than ice cream!
--> That you are so frugal
--> Your bum
--> That you wanted a calculator watch and then let me wear it
--> That you love animals, especially dogs
--> How you say my name
--> You are such a good (and efficient) driver
--> That you like to make things too!
--> Your thirst for adventure
--> You share everything you have so freely
--> Ice skating with you
--> That you delivered our child to us
--> Not only are you willing, but planning on going all over the world with me

Men take note of this, and especially take note of the humility and pure love. Women take note of this, and understand that if your husband has ever done something to this effect that he is basically giving you a manual of how to be more lovable. But also take note that he is aware! He is aware of all of the wonderful things you are doing. He cares, and he loves you.

Family Changes

There are some exciting changes happening in our family come May 2017. No, it's not another baby. It's a move across the country! Levi was accepted into PA school at Arcadia University in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. We are going to be living our dreams to live on the east coast! (Yes, we both have had that dream for years...prior to us meeting...it's literally on my bucket list I made as a high school senior.) But as part of the dream, and as is our reality, we will move close to family as soon as our adventure in Philadelphia comes to an end.

The decision to go to Philadelphia was very clear at first, but when Levi got accepted to a brand new PA school in Provo the decision wasn't so cut and dry anymore. Suddenly we were choosing between an option every one seemed to want for us, or something we wanted for our family. After many prayers and some fasting, we both knew we would regret choosing Provo over Philadelphia. So here is to becoming a PA in PA. We can't wait!!

Sending Levi off to Philadelphia:

I am so proud of Levi and his hard work to be a great applicant. He defied the odds and got accepted into the first school he interviewed with, only to get accepted to the second one too. He sure knows how to make us proud! The day we got the acceptance letter was a bit hectic:

Levi had asked me not to get the mail because we knew his letter would be coming. Well, I was too anxious and I had nothing else to do, so with baby in my arms, I got the mail. And I found this envelope:

I immediately send Levi a picture and then have to hurry off to go visit teach. All the while thinking, "They wouldn't send us an envelope that big just to reject us," not to mention on the back there was a peaceful picture of a man in nature that said, "Your journey begins here." Needless to say my hopes were very high! Well turns out Levi got to leave work early so he could open the letter and I wasn't home when he got here because I was still visiting teaching. So I rush home as soon as I realize he is there and we try to get family on the phone so that they can hear. (Yes, it totally felt like a mission call.) But no one answered so we opened it just Levi and I.

"Dear Levi:

Congratulations! [insert joy, cheering, clapping, and all things happy here] It is our pleasure to offer you acceptance for admission to the Physician Assistant Program in Glenside, PA for the class entering May, 2017."

We were so excited and felt like we really had been called to our "new mission." We had about 2 weeks to completely accept this offer and it was monumental because of how expensive it is. So of course we had to document the moment where we officially accepted Arcadia University as our home...Here is Levi putting the acceptance letter in the mail!

So here is to our upcoming adventure! Thanks to family and friends for all your support and encouragement in this process, we couldn't have done it without you.

A few pictures from when Levi was in Philadelphia/touring Arcadia University:

The brand new temple! The open house ended just a few days before Levi's interview. While he sat on the temple grounds in his shirt and tie, someone came up to him and asked if he was there to help clean the temple. He responded, "No I am not, but I do have my recommend in my pocket if you guys would like some help!" The man declined his help. How cool would that have been though?

Diaper Advice

At the baby shower in Kaysville my friends and family wrote parenting advice on diapers and I loved it! As I used the diapers I made sure to copy the advice from the diaper to a notepad so that I could remember the advice forever:

->Don't let Levi change diapers. Don't let baby eat this. -Sadie

->Take time for yourself in order to preserve who you are. Giving of yourself is noble and necessary but it can become a detriment.

->Start family night early in your child's life. Have it every week no matter what.

->Pray, pray, pray! Heavenly Father is a pro parent and will help you with anything and everything.
     -Hannah

->Encourage their out-of-school activities as much as their schooling!

->Hold your little one as much as possible. Dishes and laundry can wait. He will grow so fast and you will always cherish the times you did.

->When all else fails lower your expectations.

->Back rubs cure everything. -Krystina

->Change their diaper, give him love.

->Just love, kiss, and hug them and pray they do just what you always want them to do and don't think they should be perfect, because they won't be!!! -Grandma Sandall

->Sing primary songs to him every night before he goes to sleep.

->Um I've not been a mom...but enjoy every minute. -Alisha

->Time goes too fast enjoy every minute!!!

->2 things: 1 Soak in every moment! (pun intended) just give lots and lots of hugs and kisses 2 Make sure you have a nose frida or some kind of booger sucker! (Not the bulb ones. Those are terrible!!)
 - Hannah

->Just remember "love is spelled T-I-M-E!"

->Give lots of hugs! xoxo

->Ask me (Courtney) to babysit whenever you want! (and when I'm in Rexburg)

->Soak up every moment, they grow up way too fast!

->Rock your baby to sleep and read to them.

I Can Relate

Here is my tribute to the classic 9 months in versus 9 months out, or in my case 39 weeks and 4 days:

I could let you examine both pictures to death and let them speak a thousand words, but there is something these pictures can't tell you. First let's look at the obvious. My world with and without a baby. Two very very different things. Back then you'll notice how dolled up I was, the classic 'bump' dress, hair do, and even a necklace! Wait, what's a necklace again? By the way hallelujah my hair has grown out, am I right? In the here and now pic you will notice that I am in exercise clothes, while the 9 month old is in his pajamas brushing his teeth. I love this picture. It is real, it tells my story. 

We had just gotten home from playing pickleball. Thank goodness for that too, because it gave me a reason to finally get dressed and out of the house. Then after playing I frantically ran to the store to buy eggs for dinner; something I had just about the whole day to do. Yes it was a breakfast dinner. No shame. While at the store, my mind is back. I had my pickleball-outside-having-fun high, and then "it" came crashing down on me again. All the while Levi is at home getting baby ready for bed. 

After 9 months of having a child, I thought I had passed the window of getting postpartum depression/anxiety (PPD/A). However, for the last couple of weeks I have felt numb. My case is a lot more minor than what I have read and heard about, because my numbness is only every so often, and doesn't stick around for days at a time, usually not even hours at a time.

It wasn't until I had expressed my feelings to Levi that I started wondering if I had PPD/A. Sunday morning Levi told me he watched the new Mormon Message (watch that here if you haven't seen it, it's amazing and well worth the time: https://www.lds.org/mentalhealth?lang=eng) by Elder Holland about mental illnesses. I had seen this a few months ago when it first came out and told Levi to watch it, but he didn't think about it until Sunday morning. Then in Relief Society something strange happens. Aubry says, "There will be a special speaker today," and proceeds to introduce a brother from our ward. I am very curious and excited to see what he has to say. He starts out by saying that he is no expert on mental illness, but that he is a survivor. He has experience. He can relate! After this quick self intro, he shows the Mormon Message by Elder Holland about mental illness. I start to watch it, trying to keep baby in my lap and continually grabbing the toy he is dropping on the floor. 

Their words start to hit me hard. 

This is exactly how I have been feeling! Then it hits me even further, no denying it. I have postpartum depression. No doctor has confirmed this, but I feel deep down that it's true. There is a peace and a joy that immediately follows this realization; I am not crazy! There is an explanation for why I don't feel much. There is a name for it! There are survivors, there are people who can relate to me, and people to whom I can relate! I am near tears but quickly brought back to reality as my baby starts to get really loud and distracting. So I take him out. This was the hardest part for me, not being able to hear the rest of the lesson that is clearly just for me. But I leave and take that peace and joy with me, holding on for dear life. 

Levi and I get in the car to go home and I immediately tell him my newfound discovery. He says, "I have been thinking the same thing." And all I can do is be happy. Simply, and perfectly happy. He responded perfectly, and now I feel like I can understand my husband and what he has gone through. Up until now I only had compassion on those who have experienced depression and anxiety, but now I can relate. I have experienced it. No matter how minor it is, I have experienced the feelings described in the video, described by my husband, by my family members, my friends, those I taught on my mission. Finally, I get it!

This moment of complete happiness is short-lived. I am forced back into my reality and the pressure to deal with my discovery hits me along with a long list of questions. How long will this last? What am I supposed to do? Will this happen every time I have a baby? Why is it happening so late? I turn to my sisters for answers. They know everything. (; They say a lot, but most importantly they give me hope. That glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel. That knowledge that all will be well. I am so lucky I have them to turn to in this time of need. 

This picture means a lot to me and it probably does to you, now that I have shared my story. I could have taken this picture anytime during that day. I could have gotten dolled up, put on the same 'bump' dress, fixed my greasy pickleball-playing hair, you can forget about that necklace though. Instead, as I am making dinner and feeling depressed about life and my house and the meal I am preparing because they all "aren't good enough," I remember that we have to take that picture! So I rush into the room while Levi is getting baby ready for bed and ask him to take my picture with baby because tomorrow it will be too late. It has to be 39 weeks and 4 days on the dot. By the way since I procrastinated, it happened to be snapped right about the same exact time our baby was born...timing couldn't have been more perfect. 

I am making my way to a better me, slowly but surely. Some days it's easier, and others I am an absolute mess. But I try! I do what I can because I love Levi, I love my baby, and I love myself. Each day is a new day. Try harder to be a little better because the little things are the big things in disguise. Although it was therapeutic to write this, I hope it has helped someone else trying to survive through PPD/A. The first step is admitting it to yourself, the second is sharing your story, trust me it helps! So here is the second step to becoming a better, and more whole, me. Hopefully step three will come quick. Wish me luck!

Lion's Mouth Cave

So this happened a long time ago , but I hadn't documented it yet..oops.

We didn't even try to get him to smile. He just saw himself in the selfie screen and was overcome with joy causing a precious little grin. 

March 24, 2016

Levi and I were about to drive to Kaysville again but we wanted to explore our new city before doing so. We had been researching a lot of places to go and this was the closest place and easiest hike with a baby and no carrier. The wind was CRAZY but our 4 month old loved every freezing minute of it. Let's be real, we all loved it. Being outside and exploring the beautiful things God has given us is amazing--not to mention historical explorations are just as beautiful and amazing! Enjoy some pictures of our fun, quick adventure!

Our cutie pie falling asleep in the car on the way to the hike. He is adorable.

These were so sweet! There was a whole wall--er mountain--of them. Gorgeous.

The 4 month old was too busy trying to figure out what daddy was doing in this picture. Look at his cold nose and lips. My goodness he needs smooched!

Where's Levi?

Cold nose...I felt so bad for him but he just LOVED it.

There he is climbing away...that little exploring nut.

Here we are watching him. (Also slight proof that his left eye is darker than his right)

My goober buddy...

and his goober mom.

You Remain My Number One

As I lay in bed snuggled up next to my husband, I could feel his breath against my neck, and his chest rising and falling against my body. My mind raced to my baby and how I love to feel his belly rise and fall against my own. I started to think about how much time I spend with him and how little time I spend with my husband. Then it dawned on me, "What do I need to do to keep Levi my priority, my number one, and not let my baby creep up into first place? After all, since I spend more time with him and get to do fun things with him throughout the day like going on a walking trail, going to the park, playing games, etc. what can I do to maintain my relationship with Levi and make it better than the one with my beautiful son?" Then almost all at once all 10 of these ideas popped into my mind and I felt the urge to write each one down. I share them here to be accountable to God and my husband, and to help anyone who may need it by sharing a few inspiring ideas that can turn our focus back to our husbands rather than putting all our efforts into our little buddies.

1. Invest more of my time into him--be more diligent with making dates happen (get a babysitter planned sooner), give him all of my attention during meals, make a greater effort to do what he enjoys or wants to do, etc.

2. Snuggle more often--we love to cuddle, but sometimes I am "too busy" taking care of the baby.

3. Let him hug or kiss me more--there are so many times where he tries to come love on me while I am doing something "important" like making dinner or changing baby's diaper and I quickly give him what he wants and proceed to be busy. Really? I can't give him just one minute of my love?

4. Get off my technology and truly listen--I have found myself doing my own pet peeve, looking at my phone while someone is talking to me. This needs to change. He deserves more than that.

5. Find more ways to say "I love you"--we say those words so often, but we all know the saying, "actions speak louder than words." He does such a good job at making me feel loved through what he does, now it's my turn to step up to the plate.

6. Watch him play with our child--when I hand the baby over to him, I usually take that as an excuse to have a break and I go do something else, then I get frustrated when he wants me to constantly watch him make baby laugh. Again, I need to slow down and let his joy be my joy and enjoy these precious moments of my husband and son laughing together.

7. Inquire about his life--maybe it's because I know that he's been at work - just like every other day- that I don't think to ask him how he is doing, but that doesn't keep him from asking me about my day and how it went. This simple act of sincerely asking, "how are you doing today?" can go a really long way and show him I truly care about him and what's going on in his life.

8. Stop complaining--I absolutely dislike that he is gone from me so much of the day and that we were sealed together, bound by a promise made with God, only to have him leave me everyday so as to provide for our family and more fully protect us from the world. Rather than complain about that, I need to support him and be grateful for what he does for us. After all, it's a sacrifice for him too.

9. Let him take a break--by the time he gets home I am usually worn out from taking care of a child, and I just need a break. The tricky part is, if Levi comes home and takes care of baby the rest of the night, then he doesn't really get a break. I am committed to helping him feel relaxed after work, while staying sane myself, of course.

10. Become a daughter of God--as I stay close to God His spirit will be able to be with me more and guide me to know what to do. As I learn of my potential and my divine nature I will become the daughter He needs, the wife Levi needs, and the mother my child needs. In that order. As God is my priority all other priorities fall into place.

There you have it, my newfound commitment to my Heavenly Father and family. If you made it this far I encourage you to take the time to make your own list. How can you more fully portray yourself as a child of God? What changes may be necessary in your life? Who can you serve? What needs some refocusing in your life? I know that I will be happier as I lose myself in serving others, and that God will sanctify my efforts.